“I am whom i am. Love it or Hate it ”

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梁文音 [爱，一直存在]LIVEBAND 音乐会.


i took a picture with 梁文音 today. :) TeeHee....

Wanna know more, text me and i will tell you. hahahah!

U know something? i tried deleting photos and untagging them like how you did it to me. It doesn't work, the fact that the more i deleted, the more upset i became. How could you do this to me? You were angry to remove your status and change it to single, you were angry and deleted all the photos we had taken before and removing every single tags i had taken the effort to tag you in them.

These are memories... I tried to untagged myself in those photos that had you in it but i stopped after a few. It is not a game if you see it. Arguing hurts me, and i believe, it affects you as well. But with you doing something like that... i really don't know.

I told you face to face, nicely, in a jokingly manner asking you why did you deleted all photos away, i told you i want them back and you said alright. Today was a rest day for you, i thought you would do it. but it never happen.

I told you i wanna to go have a walk to ease my uptight emotion from work, the amount of stress im bearing is seriously freaking my way out. I listened to you not to go, knowing that you might be guilty and worried, but you were totally out of reached.

I really don't know. The feelings for you were clear, the attitude was right. but everything just seems like im too demanding and unreasonable. You know i was seriously upset seeing your status was single, your photo album has none of my photo in them? You did not apologized at all, not at all.

What else am i really hoping for? hoping that we can adapt into one another and change a little, for each other? Looking through, we have been together for almost 6 months in total... Is this what we are worth for one another?

I was so upset yet again to see your profile and i decided to delete you as friend. There is no point for you to even have me as a friend, without my memories in it. Why send me relationship status then?

Work has been depressing enough for me. Nevertheless, i suspect i will have a bad birthday as well. Everything seems falling apart especially when im upset and recently the upsetting feeling is arising frequently, that's why i suspected the depression.

There is no me in your Facebook, no me in your blog, no me in your photographs... so where is me?

Tearing when writing this post, couldn't sleep in the middle of the night knowing that i need to work the next day....

Maybe you are right, i do need someone that sees me in his life, doesn't need to give me top priority but at least, prioritize me.



Somehow or rather, im feeling this relationship seems to change or should i say different from how it used it to be. (after the major arguement that we had)

I feel im caring lesser, abit more in the cant be bothered, gloomy and grumpy attitude. In fact, frequently having the urge to cry without knowing why.

I tried again to take some initiatives but it seems to me that i know how he would react. Examples will be like asking him out will know he will be occupied, telling him i have a pre-birthday celebration by my friends and asking if he can make it...

So many things seems to be spinning in your mind yet, you don't communicate about it.

But one serious thing i do see about you is that your love, care and concern for your mommy which i can feel that you are worried and you are trying to be the man of the family during the absence of daddy.

I was telling him that i feel i might be suffering depression as well as these symptoms seems to be always following me. In fact, i told a few close friends of mine. Yet, none believed.

in their mind running "how could a happy go lucky girl have depression?" this beats me too. But all i can say that it could be i'm well hidden under my mask for survival.

YET, im vulnerable.
Maybe it's time for me to be less strong headed and relax a little more.

I guess it seems like a good news.

Things between me and him seems better as at today. Less tension, more love.

Hope things will be better. :)

I was looking through my blog post for all those time we spend together and one post caught my attention:

You may not be his first, his last, or his only. He loved before, he may love again. But if he loves you now, what else matters?

He’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if he can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can.

He may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break - his heart.

So don’t hurt him, don’t change him, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy, let him know when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there.

-Bob Marley

Are we really a misfit? Not compatible to one another?

Today i cried hard, really hard. Once when i was hiding in my office Handicapped toilet sniffing softly trying not to be realized, then, just now. Hidden in my bathroom and cried for almost a full 20 mins. I cried badly till now my eyes were swollen and puffy, running nose now...

Wondering why am i crying so badly... Was it really because im emotionally driven?

We had some serious talk. He told me we are misfit. He is afraid of commitment, vows and promises. He dread marriage, future partner and forming a family. He aim for career, studies and a good job before even wanting to think about anything else.

Thinking back, i never speak to him about marriage, about family and about money.

I was just trying to enjoy a simple relationship, one with a companion that will share my joy and sadness, be there for me when i needed him and one that is able to brighten up my life.

it has been long since i last cried so badly. Back then, it was to start something new which i believed things will be better. now, i cried. Because the something that i believe will be good is coming to an end.

You feel you are of no wrongs because that is your way of doing things. I dislike it, also is because of my way of doing things. Is there any right/wrong? To me, it is call flirting. To you, it is call internal joke.

Maybe this form of internal joke never occur to me or maybe, im just taking it too serious.

Life is rather taxing and stressful for me at this phrase of life. Things just seems very wrong, it is a little out of my control actually.

Laopo asked me out yet i rejected her kindness.
Pearllyn dearie asked me out, even suggested to come under my block, i rejected her kindness.
Zen told me to not to think and rest.
Yvonne told me to take care
Jacq told me to accept the person as to whom i love.

Thank you babes. But im too tired to think or to process anything.

Today, i initiated a breakup with my boyfriend. It is not because he doesn't have time for me, always busy with his work, i could never understand him or because of the differences in our character.

Maybe im just not understanding enough or even humorous enough to take his words less serious.

I know i shouldnt have done that but yet, i logged into his facebook account to have a peek. Look into his inbox and peek again. Saw the message on group photo, saw the part about him suggesting to take wedding photo with someone. At that instant, my temper raise and tears start swelling yet again at my same old work desk with me staring at my computer.

Why is he writing something like that yet again? He could be writing that in a jokingly manner but yet, it hurts me badly.

Am i just being too sensitive?

I don't know. but all i know is that i will never do something/write something like that to any other one because before writing something like that, i will think through whether is it even appropriate for me to.

I know you told me you closed one eye on my guy friends asking me out and stuff, i closed mine too on all your girl friends writing comments on yours too. but don't you think it is yet again too much to get so much involvement with your "wifey"?

Take a closer look at who exactly is your girlfriend!
Maybe you would be far more happier to be together with your "wifey"!

This is NOT THE FIRST TIME I HAVE TOLD YOU I DINT LIKE IT!

P.S: if you want to do it, don't let me find out in any ways.


My heart feels painful.... I feel im so weak.....im yet, tearing again...

席慕容

一棵開花的樹

如何讓你遇見 我在我最美麗的時刻 為這我已在佛前求了五百年 求祂讓我們結一段塵緣　佛於是把我化做一棵樹 長在你必經的路旁 陽光下慎重地開滿了花 朵朵都是我前世的盼望　當你走近請你細聽 那顫抖的葉是我等待的熱情 而當你終於無視地走過 在你身後落了一地的 朋友啊 那不是花瓣 是我凋零的心

Okie, it was my bad for not updating my blog recently. Don't know why but i feel my life seems a little hectic these days. Packed with things to doa nd guess what, the last time i blogged was a week ago.

Let me try and recapped what i did last week. Was pretty busy over my company's D&D as i was appointed as the main committee to plan for our company's first D&D for approximately 400 people. And i was so busy flooding suppliers with emails liaising and asking for sponsorships, then i was busy thinking of items to buy for our Grand Lucky Draw. This took up quite a fair bit of my work timing.

And also, last friday i went for California fitness gyming session along with Hedy and i simply fell in love with the feeling where i exercised and also, the female toilet was rather fantastic... Then i was directed to Simon, the fitness consultant, to "as usual" ask me to sign up to be their member. I think he talked to me for approximately an hour? LOL! afterwhich i gave in because he was seriously a nice chap, on top of that, i like the feeling of doing it. Membership cost me $70 a month with unlimited times to steambath, classes and gyming session. I hope i will be healthier by exercising regularly and also, SLIMMED DOWN! love have been complaining about my fats recently!

Boyfriend went to Vietnam for retreat since Friday and will only be back this coming Tuesday, meaning tomorrow. Weekends was sorta busy for me too!

Saturday went over to UNISIM to collect my course document, and by right, attend the orientation. But under Pearllyn babe's suggestion that it was rather boring and also, the books are gonna be damn heavy, i decided to give it a missed since i can hitch Pearllyn's car back home since all staying in Tampines. Thank you Pearllyn for the ride thru and flo home to school. :)

The study materials were scary where they issued out ctns of study materials the size of pizza box with textbook and study guide in it! *textbook are at least a few hundred pages type* and you know what, i took 4 subjects! so you can expect how heavy it was!!!!

When i went home, i went to pack my hall to prepare for CNY and also school, this took me 2 days but i managed to stop mommy from nagging at me!

LOL!

that will be all for now!

Cheers and take care all,
Karine

I don't like myself when i think too much. Is there any ways i could control it?

Life seems rather hectic for me, always wanna a slow day but never am i able to achieve it. Work seems work, life seems life.

In fact, i find myself more of a burden then someone of use.

To him, Go for what you really want. if you want to study, GO. Try your ways and manners to get it. As you know you are the only one that know best of yourself. What you want and what you really can get.

As for me, let me continue to rot. Maybe one day i will become useful and stop rotting.

Damn, i hate the feeling of emo-ing yet all over again. SIGH.




Shouldn't i say time flies as we were already in each other's arm for 4 months? haha. It seems too fast to realize it although 4 months is equal to approximately 120 days? I guess more months and days will be added to the journey of ours... it means more ideas have to be think through so to irritate one another MORE~ haha.

Thank you for being there for me, for picking me up and fetch me home as often as you could. i know, just to spend a little more time with me. Thank you for accepting my ever-changing mood/emotions, the always because of little thing and blow it up to become very extremely grumpy old me~

I guess things seems better for both of us where we argue lesser because we ignore each other more~ We still does silly things for each other, i still get my not so frequent massages as much as you being grumpy, you still bring me home once in a while for dinner, you still send me up to my door-step whenever you send me home, we still eat NON-STOP when we meet up~ hmmmm, what else~ LOL! oh ya, YOU STILL OWE ME MY CHRISTMAS PRESSIE!!!! hahaah.


As much as all these, i still love you alright.... :) love love.


P.S: 感謝我們的愛情沒有翅膀, 一步步走在往幸福的路上...





Dear Silly,

As much as you are frequently grumpy, busy, unreasonable, weird and hard to understand. I know that you will always try your best to make time for me, accompany me and take care of me. I know you may not show much that you care, but i know you do worry about me. :)

Thank you for what you did knowingly or unknowingly.

Love love.






Today i saw my mom hiding something from me, i did not exposed her but i cannot believe she is doing/hiding something like that from me. sighx.

Think it's finally time for me to move out and start staying alone. Since the amount that i'm contributing $450 every month should be sufficient for me to rent a cozy little room all by myself without facing such things any longer.

Like what i have learned from love the new phrase.

FML!




But on the other hand, im glad i have love and friends.

LOOK! This is my new lappy skin designed by Melodee and further edit by ME!!!! I love it plenty and this protects my glossy from scratches. :)

Thank you Melodee.

Just a lighter note, i did something seriously anal. LOL!

I was out with love yesterday and we wanted to watch movie but the slots were booked till 12 midnight when we went to see the tickets at around 7plus? We still buy the tickets wanting to watch Vampire assistant (Which was a crappy show) so after dinner at SOUP restaurant, we headed to his house to slack.

I was on his bed reading cleo till i felt aside and not long after, he joined me to rest for a short while. I remembered, he was sleeping at the inner side. Then he asked me about the time but i refuses to get up until he nudge me a few times. I got up, saw the time, head back to bed. The conversation was as per below:

Love: Can you get up to see the time please?
Me: Why you cannot?
Love: Because you are nearer to the desk.
Me: Sigh *Got out of bed & See the time. Headed back to bed*
Love: What time is it now?
Me: I Don't know. You wanna go see yourself?
Love: HUH? What time is it now?
Me: I don't remember.

LOL! That pissed love off with him tickling me and saying me anal anal! HAHAHH

That was fun!


*Edited*

Love is still nagging at my anal act for like 6 days already. And these days, he is trying to do something even anal to piss me off just to let me feel how he felt. LOL!

LOUSY~

I think i just broke one of my resolution yet again. Sigh.

Im letting my emotions eating me up yet again.

Am i seriously very gullible? Is it wrong to believe in what people have been telling me and let it ended up like a passing remark? It may seems like a passing remark or simply, you forgotten about it. But to me, i see to it or even sometimes, i anticipated or even get excited about it.

If you realize, im trying my best to be a good girlfriend, one that is less demanding and try to accommodate more to you. I rarely complains about you working non-stop and us not behaving or meeting up like how normal couple behaves. But yet again, words given by you became passing remarks.

It applies to Genting trip and this and that....

This time round, you told me earlier that you wanna me to stayover today. And guess what, you totally dint mentioned about it. You asked me why am i grumpy and how you want me to tell you? All i wanted was to have more time with you.. and to have our weekly stayover before my school starts. BUT NO! you don't know. You know something? you can don't even say that at all and im alright with it? Once told, i will anticipate and it will turn into disappointment.

What a good day i'm having today... Not sleeping well, having headache since afternoon till now and now this!!!

Sigh....


Even having a pay increment doesn't seems to brighten my mood till now. sigh

*Edited*

I was told this song by him in FB...





作词：方文山 作曲：周杰伦

这街上太拥挤 太多人有秘密 玻璃上有雾气 在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪 在还原那场雨 这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里

这日子不再绿 又斑驳了几句 剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅 隔遥远的距离 感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋

还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你 你却微笑的离我而去

＃这感觉 已经不对 我努力在挽回
一些些 应该体贴的感觉 我没给
你嘟嘴 许的愿望很卑微 在妥协
是我忽略 你不过要人陪

＊这感觉 已经不对 我最后才了解
一页页 不忍翻阅的情节 你好累
你默背 为我掉过几次泪 多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪 你的美 我不配

After talking it out with him. I just realize my boyfriend is a silly boy as well!

He told me he dint wanna me to sleep over because he worried that the Malay wedding under his block will waken us tomorrow morning. He wants me to sleep longer. Silly him.

sleeping longer or not is not as crucial as being with you or not. you know that? :)